Updated: Jul 2, 2022
There are so many life events that are poured into this four minute song! I wrote this song one day in the fall of 2021. I was reflecting on not only the goodness of God, but His matchless grace towards me.
"Have Your Way" was written from a position of having been delivered, which was a far cry from where I had been. To give you a little background info...Daddy was a Deacon! He and my mother made sure that we were in church every Sunday and fellowshipping every Wednesday. We had need of nothing (from the view of my childhood eyes). I was singing in the choir from the age of eight and leading the choir by the age of twelve. We had our normal family growing pains, but life was good, life was easy and life was comfortable. In my 20's I set out on my own rather rebellious path and ended up spending 16 years in a terribly abusive marriage. I was the provider, excuse make and protector of a union that God did not call me into. God was still, and always has been in the blessing business! That union produced three gorgeous daughters. (all strong women of God, may I add!)
The events of 9/11 caused me to move my family from Brooklyn, NY to Gaffney, SC (more on that later). I found myself in the midst of a culture shock, a job hunt and single motherhood. The transition from Wall Street to the Bible Belt, was not without distress...BUT GOD!!!
God plugged me into an awesome, life changing church family. Gave me a fantastic job, (incidentally through a conversation with a choir member...you have to love God's timing and connections) and allowed me to comfortably raise my girls and see them to and through college. Won't He do it!!!
...getting back on track! Not only did God comfort and protect the single mother and her children, He allowed us to live out the ministry that we were created for. For me that was singing for Him. As the Contemporary Worship Leader for FBC Gaffney, I have had the joy of worshiping along side so many talented youth and adults. It was, and still is my place of refuge. But...when your focus is on the struggles, your thoughts may not be on the mind of Jesus Christ.
There were many days when I would lament about the loneliness of single parenting and feeling like this was somehow a punishment for making the wrong choices in my youth. I would have angry conversations with God, jealous of other artists, wondering if I would ever amount to "anything more". I was heartbroken to watch other healthy marriages around me and heartbroken for my daughters for missing out on a two-parent functionally healthy upbringing.
For nine post divorce years, I cried on the shoulders of my best friends about how this had to be the life that God had planned for me. HAAAAAA!
Then one beautiful May Day in 2018, after I had spent the morning at my desk with thoughts of despair towards my loneliness, I declared to my bestie and I was through thinking on love and declared that I was COMPLETLY turning that desire over to God and that I was done with it. I declared that "If this is what you have for me Lord, have your way"! I got up from my desk, drove to the post office and walked straight into my future!
Yes, the post office is where I met him! Six foot one, bald, strong as ever, dreamy...my Mr. Man! This was particularly funny to me because I had spent a decade preaching to my girls that they were not to find a husband anywhere else but church...and here he was!
Not only had God heard my cry, but he fulfilled my desire even better then I every could. God sent an encourager, a protector and a listener. Now, four years later, I have a house full of joy, laughter, a gorgeous husband to help raise a gorgeous son and MUSIC!
So back to the beginning of the blog...Have You Way was my declaration and song of encouragement to all those who have been walking through a season unrest, confusion, longing and any other "ing" where you feel a bit abandoned by God.